Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Too much in my head

Need to get some of these thoughts out of my head. Quickly. Need to be awake in about 5 hours... Bleh.

My best friend goes away on his 3 month trip to America. I'm not taking it well. I went out tonight - coincidentally, it's my boyfriend's dad's birthday - and had far too much to drink. Too much to drink by normal standards. Even worse considering I'm now on quite strong medication, on which I'm not meant to drink at all. Very drunk. Things were spinning. Lots. I came home and cried lots. My parents didn't understand why - although they were very sweet about the whole thing. But nothing helps.

I just can't process it. I'm going to miss him. Lots. I guess I will get used to it in time - and I'm lucky to have such supportive parents, and a wonderful boyfriend and a job I love - but depression doesn't care about those things. All I know is that since January he has been the one person I know who has been through it all, who understands exactly how I feel - even when I don't - and always knows what to do about it. Other people try, and I appreciate that very much, but you really really can't understand depression unless you've experienced it first hand.

I'm trying to hold on to the positives - I absolutely love my new job, it's so much fun. I have a boyfriend who loves me unconditionally and puts up with everything, even when I know I'm being unreasonable. I have loving, supportive parents.

But right now, that's not enough. I need all the help I can get, and the one person who understands all this is moving away for three whole months.

I really need to get some sleep. Will be taking him to the airport in six and a half hours. Rubbing salt in the wound.

It would be nice if I could feel my face again at some point.

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