Tuesday, 29 June 2010

One step forward, six steps back....

The ride went better than expected. It was so hot - there aren't words - the heat was actually like a physical weight pressing down on me. But I managed it. I didn't walk too many hills. My legs didn't hurt that much afterwards. Fairly dehydrated and mild sunburn, that was about it. Slept very well that night though!

It was a huge achievement for me. I'm so proud that I managed it. I'm so grateful to all the people who supported me in so many different ways (particularly through sponsorship, raised over £230!). Not sure if I'd do it again, but it was a great day and I'm glad I did it.

I was on such a huge high afterwards. I felt like I'd made real progress, would finally start to overcome everything, turn my life around. Then today, it all went wrong again. Tried to book an appointment to get more anti-depressants, surgery is totally screwing me around. Not sure if I will even be able to make an appointment before my anti-depressants run out, not sure what I'm going to do. Totally freaked out this morning. Could barely get ready for work, couldn't stop crying long enough to put make-up on. Still shaky when I got to work... Was just about able to cope, but felt totally on edge the whole time. Really need to talk to my boss at some point, find out how much she knows. I don't know.

And now I feel like I'm running out of options again. Anti-depressants barely do anything. Can't get counselling for months. I get for now I have to just enjoy the ups and hope the downs don't last too long....

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