Feels like a while since I last updated, think I've been really busy recently. Not really sure what I've been doing, just feels like I haven't had much free time. Lots of work, met up with some old friends, saw Toy Story 3, all good!
Had my second counselling session today. It went well. I found some of her questions really hard to answer, but she's really nice and reassuring. She gave me such a fresh perspective on things. It feels like my problems fall into two categories. Sometimes I do things that are bad for me and I need to not do them. For these, she's teaching me ways to break habits, distract my mind. With other things, I think I'm doing things that are bad for me. But she made me sit back, look in from the outside and asked why I thought they were bad. And I didn't have an answer. I was surprised to realise I do have a really "black and white" outlook on the world - I do have very clear ideas on what I "should" do. I had no idea, it was so ingrained in me. It was really refreshing to realise things are not black and white, I'm an adult and I can make my own choices.
I suspect to most people this sounds ridiculously obvious, but it had just never occurred to me. It feels like a lot of things in my life were pre-determined, often without me even noticing. There's still a long way to go, but it was a very liberating discovery. I feel like one day I will be able to process things in a healthy way.
She was even able to help me cope with the whole friend moving to America thing. This is definitely very much early days, but I could feel progress. He's back in less than four weeks anyway, I'll probably master it like the day before!